Friends rewatch - 1x23 - TOW The Birth
Friends rewatch - 1x23 - TOW The Birth
Scotland is beautiful, seriously.
There’s an abundance of bad things happening right now, and it’s hard not to be sucked into that black hole of sadness, so let’s have a puppy party shall we.
Because, let’s face it, dogs never grow up.
ADDED BONUS, PUPS IN MOTION!!!
Because puppies make everything better. Always.
Damn son our uterus stretches like 5x the size and then contracts and pushes a 7 pound baby out of a small tube into life if you think that isn’t metal as fuck get out of my face
YOUR ORGANS THOUGH IM SO SORRY LADIES
damn selfish babies taking up all the space
NAW MAN, LET ME FUCKING TELL YOU ABOUT PREGNANCY AND BABIES, ALRIGHT?
FIRST OF ALL, IT SUCKS DICK. FIRST OFF LET ME GIVE YOU A MOTHERFUCKING RUNDOWN ON WHAT YOU SHOULDN’T EAT OR DRINK WHEN YOU’RE PREGNANT.
- NO UNCOOKED ANYTHING IN FUCKING GENERAL ACTUALLY. AND ESPECIALLY NOT FISH.
- ANYTHING WITH CAFFEINE IN IT, WHICH INCLUDES COFFEE, SODA, CHOCOLATE (THAT’S RIGHT, NO CHOCOLATE), SEVERAL TYPES OF COOKIES AND CANDIES, AND ENERGY DRINKS.
- VEGETABLES AND MEATS THAT ARE RICH IN NITRATES LIKE HOTDOGS, SAUSAGE, LETTUCE, SPINACH AND CELERY.
SO BASICALLY IF YOU’RE USED TO EATING OR DRINKING ANY OF THOSE THINGS YOU BETTER BE PREPARED TO QUIT COLD TURKEY THE SECOND YOU GET PREGNANT.
NOW I’M NOT EVEN DONE. YOU SEE THAT PINK UPSIDE-DOWN TRIANGLE BELOW THE BABY’S HEAD? YEAH? THAT’S YOUR BLADDER. BABIES SQUEEZE DOWN ON THAT LIKE THERE’S NO TOMORROW AND ONCE YOU HIT THE THIRD TRIMESTER, YOU BASICALLY HAVE AN ELDERLY PERSON’S BLADDER. MY MOTHER TELLS ME SHE HAD TO GO TO THE BATHROOM AT LEAST 6 TIMES A DAY JUST SO SHE WOULDN’T WET HERSELF. ALSO WITH A BABY SQUEEZING’ UP AGAINST YOUR FUCKING INTESTINES LIKE THAT SAY HELLO TO CONSTIPATION NATION, EVERYONE.
SO NOT ONLY DO YOU HAVE THE BLADDER AND BOWELS OF AN OLD PERSON, BUT THAT GROWING HUMAN BEING GROWING OUT OF YOUR GULLET ALSO PUTS A HUUUUGE STRAIN ON YOUR BACK. NOT TO MENTION IT’S A PAIN IN THE FUCKING ASS TO MOVE ANYWHERE, SINCE YOU NEED TO START WALKING LIKE SOMEONE OUT OF A MONTY PYTHON SKIT JUST TO GET AROUND EFFICIENTLY. ALSO THAT ADDED WEIGHT MAKES YOUR FEET ACHE SOMETHING AWFUL. SO WHAT CAN YOU DO?
WELL GUESS WHAT. YOU CAN’T TAKE ASPRIN. ABSOLUTELY NO ASPRIN. NO IBUPROFEN, NO NAPROXEN NO NOTHING.
SO NOT ONLY ARE YOU IN PROBABLY THE MOST UNCOMFORTABLE YOU WILL EVER BE, BUT YOUR MEDICINE CHOICES ARE EXTREMELY FUCKING LIMITED. (AND NO, I MENTIONED NO CHOCOLATE EITHER.)
DO YOU GUYS NOT REALIZE THAT THE FATE OF SOCIETY AND THE HUMAN RACE IN GENERAL IS BASED ON THE FACT THAT WOMEN MOSTLY CHOOSE TO GET PREGNANT? FOR LITTLE TO NO REWARD?! THE UNITED STATES ONLY GIVES 12 UNPAID WEEKS OF MATERNITY LEAVE ON AVERAGE.
YOU WOULD THINK THAT THE FUCKING PROCESS BY WHICH OUR POPULATION CONTINUES TO GROW WOULD BE FUCKING REWARDED AND CELEBRATED, NOT SWEPT UNDER THE FUCKING RUG LIKE A PIECE OF FUCKING DUST.
Greatest rant ever.
But nah, pregnancy is just an “inconvenience”
“A little bit of Monica in my life,
A little bit of Erica by my side,
A little bit of Rita is all I need,
A little bit of Tina is what I see,
A little bit of Sandra in the sun,
A little bit of Mary all night long,
A little bit of Jessica, here I am…”
If you don’t know this reference, you’re definitely too young for me.
You know you sang it in your head.
I sang it in my head and I’m proud
i’m seeing a lot of people reblogging suicide hotlines and this is just a reminder that this is a suicide help line that works like a text-based instant messenger for people who may need to talk to someone but have trouble/are uncomfortable making phone calls
Emotional reunion in the rubble of Gaza. From @DrBasselAbuward:
This father & son found each other, but other children were not so lucky
The night he found out that his dad past away.
Honestly a powerful picture. Game day and you find out a person you love is gone?
I reblog this every time.
Shailene Woodley in White Bird in a Blizzard trailer
THIS MAN HAS ALS, AND HIS ICE BUCKET CHALLENGE WILL MAKE YOU LAUGH. THEN IT’LL MAKE YOU CRY
The video begins humorously as Anthony Carbajal, a photographer, dresses up in a neon bikini top and soaps up a car before being doused with ice water.
So watch the full video here and laugh out loud at the first half and then get ready to tear up in the second half.